So, your sex life is in a slump: what now? It’s pretty easy to just accept things as they are and settle for a mediocre sex life. In fact, many people do, but that doesn’t mean you have to! Communicating with your partner is one of those things that sounds easy in theory, but when it comes time to actually have a discussion, it’s easy to get caught up and off track. Fortunately, we’ve gathered eight tips to help you have a productive conversation with your partner and start enjoying a better sex life as soon as tonight.
- Get On the Same Page
If you’re going to try and take your sex life to the next level then it’s important that you and your partner agree on where you stand currently. It’s quite common for the experience to be vastly different from partner to partner, which means while you might think your sex life is amazing, your partner may not share the same viewpoint. Asking your partner what they think about your sex life is never an easy task, but if you want to have the best sex possible then it’s an important step to take. You’ll likely have to take some criticism so mentally prepare yourself for this and try to avoid being offended so the conversation can proceed as smoothly as possible.
- Identify Your Strengths
Generally, beginning a conversation from a negative standpoint guarantees that the entire conversation will go downhill. Instead, start the conversation with the things you think are going right. While your partner may not agree with everything you say, it’s important to let them know the things you appreciate about them, whether it be their actions, their words, or simply how they present themselves. However, you shouldn’t sugarcoat things either. Being completely honest with yourself (and them) will help you transition into the next step.
- Identify Your Weaknesses
No matter how great your sex life is already, there are always things that can be improved upon. It’s easy to avoid bringing up these points with your partner, but if you don’t address them then they will never get resolved. Rather than “accusing” them, “suggest” the things you would like changed. For example, don’t say “I’m tired of always being on bottom”, say “I think I’d like to try being on top for a change”. The wording is important because it presents your partner with a chance to impress you, rather than implying there’s some shortcoming that they’ve willfully overlooked.
- Talk About Your Fantasies
Sex can quickly become stale if you keep doing the same routine over and over. For this reason, it’s important to discuss your sexual fantasies with your partner! Chances are, you probably have some kinks that they may or may not be aware of. If you haven’t shared these yet, now is a great time to do so! It’s very easy to skip this step because you’re afraid of rejection, but it’s important to open up to your partner anyway. While it’s unlikely that your partner will be willing to entertain every sexual fantasy that you can come up with, they will likely be willing to entertain at least a few, which will certainly help reignite the spark once more!
- Ask Your Partner About Their Fantasies
Like anything else in a relationship, the street goes both ways, so it’s also important to ask your partner about their fantasies. Like you, they might struggle to share due to fear of rejection, but you should try and encourage them to share anyway. Knowing what turns your partner on is certainly useful information, and although you might not be 100% into the same things as them, you can still use their fantasies as spicy inspiration for future lovemaking sessions. Once you’ve both shared your innermost secrets, try to find a way to bring them to life! Some fantasies can be played out concurrently, while others will need to be addressed one by one.
- Discuss New Positions
There are many different sex positions, so why limit yourselves to just a few? A fun way to bond with your partner is by taking a look at the Kama Sutra! This work of literature contains many different sexual positions that you two can try out, which will help break the monotony of doing the same old routine. Most couples won’t want to (or won’t be able to) perform all of the positions described, but it’s nonetheless a fun book to look at together. One thing is for sure: you’ll never run out of options again!
- Talk About Sex Toys
Like all of the other topics we’ve discussed so far, toys for couples are a sensitive subject. Many people feel that incorporating couples sex toys into their routine means that they’re making up for a shortcoming somewhere else, but that’s simply not the case! These toys are designed to help you have more satisfying sex, better orgasms, and can be used during foreplay, role-playing, and intercourse. Even couples who already have an amazing sex life can benefit from using couples sex toys as they open up a world of naughty opportunities for you to explore together.
Talking about your sex life is hard, especially if it means exposing your vulnerabilities to your partner. Many people struggle in silence for years simply because they are too afraid to speak up about an issue that can easily be resolved with a simple conversation! You might also be afraid to criticize your partner since hurting their feelings could damage your relationship. However, it’s important to recognize that the path to a better sex life isn’t one that’s walked alone. You need to do this with your partner. Once you stop thinking as an individual and start thinking as a team, you’re sure to start enjoying better sex in no time—just communicate!